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Your Adolescence

Each day now I find myself preoccupied with my infatuation. Each day I am fearful of the future. Each day now I feel distracted and not at ease, wishing for a friend to be there with me, who can truly understand, who can talk and pray with me.

I am not afraid of the fear within me. It does not scare or shock or make me feel like I am a leaf in the wind.
No, it is worse. It is the mask I wear to hide it, the fake smile that hides it. Most of the times, in the morning, my joy is genuine and my heart at peace. But now I am so fraught with emotion it scares me. Perhaps detachment may be better, perhaps simplicity is what we all need.

But none can truly live without feeling, emotions and fears, can they?
I can only hope I get over this. I am not afraid of the As. I am afraid that my distraction will screw me over. I know I must stay strong, but I am confused. My mind is not as clear anymore, a foggy, nebulous cloud in my head, and my heart. I find myself taking the time to listen to music, Imagine Dragons' Top of the World and Round and Round, but yet, I find only temporal admiration and awe, for I am still preoccupied with the proverbial question that I do not want to know the answer,

"Does she feel the same?"




Each day now I survive. Each day now I fail to see outside of my situation. Each day now I want to be with her, to fall asleep in her arms. Each day now I am leaving in hope,

but I do not desire this.
I want to leave in love, perfect love,

That casts out all fear.
That is impartial to all no matter their creed, conscience or conduct.

Yet, I cannot.
Tonight will be no different.

02/08/12

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