Skip to main content

22/9/2014

Hey Nat,

I hope you remember this aching need to pen down your thoughts.

Here we are, here I am.
I don't know you, but I hope you know me.

Time does move differently once you are out of school. For a lifetime, all I could fix myself upon was my studies... because there was no alternative.



And now I sit here, deleting what I have wrote, with nothing to say.


I wish you would remember
The silence of distraction
in the pits of despair
Wrought not by earth's might but my very own deduction.

Yet how can you blame me
I did not want this.
I sought and I fought
To be free from my body
To be free from my shame.

Oh shame, shame,
how could I not see you so.
I chose to look past
your blatant omnipotence,

Yet I could not.
A sinking ship, sunk.
I hoped not to fear,
Yet I fear everyday, of everyday.

Lie to me, lie to me.






Nat,
I sit here today hoping you are doing okay. I hope you have seen past your past. The fear is a tricky thing of course, yet - "there is no courage without fear" .

No meaning to rise against the endless rising of the sun unless, Unless, unless.
I lessened my load that I carry. I lessened the blame that I hold against myself. Against history.

Will you be impressed by my resolve? I question myself everyday.



Life moves until it ceases. It is dangerous and dark down here, as I stand. I mock my own depression, as it is very easy to do so. Little weakling, precious fool.
It is dark down here, and my distractions are keeping me afloat.


What dream is worth chasing nat? What dream is worth laying down your life for?
Am I fool to ... yet I fear Him.

I don't know how.


Can I clench my fist and soar once again. Can I renounce... no push on regardless of what I have faced? I make no resolutions again, for I find myself lacking...

I hope that you are alive and well,
Nat.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thematic summary of When It Changed by Joanna Russ

Joanna Russ’ When It Changed centers on a human society made entirely up of women on a planet called ‘Whileaway’. The human colony is void of men because of a plague that occurred thirty generations ago. The females that remained after the plagued managed to survive without the males by a process that sees the merging of ova. This allowed women to reproduced with women, taking away the need for penetrative reproduction and thereby making redundant the role of men in the human reproductive cycle. The story begins when four Russian astronauts arrive on Whileaway. All four of them are male, which makes them the first 4 men that have set foot on the planet in hundreds of years. Their arrival has a profound effect on the women they meet, and we see this effect from the perspective of Janet, a thirty-four-year-old woman that is married to Katy, with whom she has three children. Upon meeting the four men, Janet is immediately taken aback by their physical size – “They are bigger than we ar
Post a Comment
Read more

Thematic Summary of The Star by H.G. Wells

H.G. Well’s wrote The Star in 1897, but apocalyptic/disaster fiction had already existed for thousands of years. Well, the authors didn’t think they were writing fiction, but nevertheless, they were still writing speculative ‘non-fiction’. A quick Wikipedia look-up on Google will tell you that hundreds of seers have prophesized the end of mankind. Unfortunately, fortunately, they have all been wrong! Yet, these countless predictions prove a point about our very own human nature: many of us have fetishized the ‘end of the world’. Christians call it the rapture. Vikings called it Ragnarok. Others called it the Apocalypse. All these stories about our eventual end on this earth have a common thread: there is some greater reason for our end to occur – most of the time, it involves the triumph of good over evil. This is where The Star differs in its narrative. Instead of focusing on some grand narrative of good gods achieving a final victory over the forces of evil, it sticks to d
2 comments
Read more

Inheritance [Balli Kaur Jaswal]

I really shouldn't attempt to write this... as if this were an assignment due on Monday. It isn't, so I shall not.  Two days - it took me this to finish my first SingLit novel, as far as I can recall.  It was about a family who goes through tough times. This family was Sikh. This family was Singaporean. This family felt, for a few heart-wrenching seconds, like my own.  Dalveer and Harbeer have three children: Gurdev, Narain, and Amrit. Karam is Harbeer's nephew, but he doesn't get to be a narrator in the story, so, screw him. Also, he's an asshole.  We see their story unfold over a period of twenty years - this is paralleled by Singapore's own growth as a nation. We see the effects of rapid industrialisation on the nascent city state, and we begin to identify some of the more... unspoken problems faced by its people. In its endeavour to grow, advance, burgeon -- people, genuinely good people, are left behind. In our  struggle for success, the few am
Post a Comment
Read more