Feel better, friend.

Hello!  You could only ever be a me that looks back - neck turned, eyes reaching out for connection.  I see you, and I see you - Thank you, and sorry. I know you're sorry for not writing. I'm sorry too, now.  I guess I... time healed me.  And I didn't need to write this stream of consciousness stuff any more. I look back at these posts now in 2026, and I find such pride in my writing. Not just because I wrote all of it before LLMs went public, but because I was so brave to put things down. Creative Courage - I tell this to my students all the time. And i practiced it, when i was you When I was you :)  Or rather, when you read this - when you were me  -- I am now at PROLOGUE, a coffee shop that the wife likes at Millenia Walk.  Oh > I am married. But of course you already know that.  The act of writing is a strange one isn't it? I am trying to write to a past self that will never see or read this, for a future self that I only hope might Staccat...

Emergent in the original and secondary literature on improvisation are four central principles of applied improvisation: (a) accept all offers, (b) recognize gifts, (c) build on every idea, and (d) support fellow players. 1  The improv mantra “Yes, and” encompasses the first three tenets. Saying “yes” means an improviser accepts any offer her fellow players present; she will not block or reject ideas. Johnstone ( 1979/2012 ) calls blocking “a form of aggression,” a default response to fear of the unknown or giving up control (p. 96). To think like an improviser is to reverse this tendency and become open to allowing the action to develop by accepting the ideas of the ensemble. Furthermore, saying “yes” means that a player is alert and listening to all the offers a scene partner presents. Because improvisation traditionally uses no props or costumes, improvisers must recognize everything that their ensemble says and does as a “gift” or “offer” that they might use to advance the scen...

 1.30am  Be specific and detailed, you know, really go deep. Keep asking why. Tell me something you didn't know about yourself. Tell me something I'd never seen. Tell me an a-ha moment, an insight, an unseen revelation.  Tell me truth.  ...  A most valuable commodity.  Tell me the truth.  Here it is:  I am back at my wooden desk, much like the one miles (yes, miles) away in Bostonia. Long hair, black jacket - feeling cold and old, and alone. I had friends but none that I really wanted to put in the time to be friends with. I did try - beer, shots, even clubbing, even that day in the parking lot and then the colourful aisles of cereal boxes and chips.  Still the same, but with a haircut.  More balanced now? Hmm, perhaps. Less in touch with friends.  Hmm. Yes. New acquaintances, new-ish friendships.  Ah. Yes. yes, yes.  The ol' friendsyouwannakeepintouchwithbutitsreallyhardtodowithoutanactivitylikeschoolorsomeformofchurchlik...

 1.20am in a day i will have president-ed my first meeting few people, pizza, old friends  that, no, this - this feeling hits again.  Shiv says she'd like to stay in new york. like sanj, im sure sam, yan,  lasalle kids who want to do broadway  make music like bo  make art with a supportive community of diverse english speakers  where am i going with this?  i guess, how do i do this?  art isnt dead tho bo, i dont think you think it is. i think you think that way because you just feel bad man. you feel like because art does not do good then it is dead. but i do think it does good - if not for your fan xm or myself, then for yourself and then and therefore, myself. my self.  this is art for me, and it is more than enough. it is enough-enough.  i still have dreams you know? "Life Design" ones, multiple, many many dreams. Many-many.  ... so i guess tomorrow's will be the prototype. may i be as brave and courageous as i want my stude...

 Rain heavy, worried about leaks.  I close the Tetris tab i use to procrastinate things like work or sleep.  1:19am: the most productive time of the day.  Worried about life. Thinking of signing up for programs, masters, diplomas.  Thinking about death and life. Of me at 80, 90, 99 - looking back here, now.  Used to be a believer in a God - well - rather,  a life that would never end.  finality in clouds, over and over, beyond until the never more fullstop in the middle of a sentence.  a day ago i burn after my booster shot (covid 19, is it still here?)  and i go downstairs to grab panadol only to lose hearing and stability (vertigo?) on my way up. i thought i might die, well, at the very least faint  so close to the nerve of mortality, the body instructs you of your doom.  and i want to be a writer  i guess i am huh.  start a group, community, a something  "just put a voice, never mind, just a... word." just put...

 learn to fly annies song someone to watch over me ella fitz strange fruit (nina!) only (lee hi??) crash my car (coin) might not make it home (yeh!)  i dont love you (mcr :P) a change is gonna come (sam)  all i could do was cry (etta) congratulations (english, day6, fox guy)  something tells me (bailen (?)) electric love (!borns!)  one day more (big mama(S)) 30 + goodbye (bo) white wine in the sun (t.minch) under the sea  many things (innocents?) paradise (bazzi)  chinese song? (yisa yu? qing ren something) official (charli)  like a river runs (sia <3)  im a fantastic wreck (montaigneee) start already (lioncityboi) only exception  may i have this dance (francis philcollins) youll be in my heart (phil philcollins) blank space / stand by me (imagine dragons) rainbow connection whisper in her ear (milk carton) dancing on my own (robynnnn) slow grenade (ellie) room at the table (charlie <3) school of rock  good morning baltimore s...

I'm back again.  I'm glad Google has the save password function - forget the security concerns for a bit. It's been a... while.  I think I was a little lost for a bit there.  So I didn't register for Masters. Guess only the kiamsiap part of me cares (it cares deeply). I'm not ready. It's ok :)  I've been a little lost.  You know, had Julia, and of course the folks. So not all that bad. But I think at some point in Fifa 20 and Thesis: THE fifathesis year. I think I was presented with a future. An adult future of btos, babies, and the weird normality of adult life. Just another life presented ahead of me, and I was writing about Alfian Sa'at and his provocavitivititiactivitivities.  I dunno man. I guess I wanted to write? The TV dream right? Right? It would soon come, right?  Or maybe plays? Right? You're not that good, but still, you could? You could help others? Yeah. I always loved giving constructive feedback more than I liked writing plays. Maybe ...

I like my desk. It matches the drawers in the room and the armrests on the sofas. It goes with the walls and doors and ceiling which are either beige or a sullied shade of white. It reflects light in a similar way - similar, that is, to my own table, back at my own house. I like my desk because it became mine last week. It matches the drawers and the sofas and all the other aspects of the room, so it tells me that it is in the correct position. It is placed exactly where it was meant to be placed. With all the other things that are also in the correct order. It is at ease with itself, and with the friends around it. It is at home. Tonight I stood from across the street and tried to pick out the window that betrayed me every morning as it let the sun in. It looked just like any other window and I could not pick it out. I tried to find the specific blinds that rattled as I tried to find rest against the fiendish bed that had an automatic verbal response to every turn of my trou...

Taha was the best show I've seen this year. Hlehel is outstanding in telling a story that needed to be told. He makes the best use of the monologue form, and his technique at keeping the attention of the audience is sublime. The intertwining of Taha's life story with his poetry was well-placed, relevant and thoroughly broke me by the end. The final poem - 'Revenge', sounded like a forgiveness that was hard to give, and as such carried with it the entire weight of Taha's personal story, and Hlehel's tie to him. It was personal, dynamic, and bore truths that resonated with me so deeply it shocked me. This was all I wanted from theatre.

" He was a scribble of a boy, all hair and mischief A two-foot tale of trouble, the bee's knees A cartwheeling chatterbox of tricks, completely fearless I had to carry a first aid kit, my band-aid boy I had my heart in my mouth wherever we went He'd do backflips into the pool when he was tiny And the lifeguards would get all stressed out He was a proper Mowgli, he embraced everything Took things apart to see what made them tick Such busy fingers He would empty sugar packets onto the tables In restaurants to draw pictures in He used to draw on anything Fantastical creatures with ferocious fangs And now he draws with words And I find lyrics on my till receipts and bills He was never still and barely slept, so neither did I I could never understand how he could watch TV Upside down while kicking a ball His eyes shone with wonder Music flowed through him like a current He'd upend a stool to use as a microphone Singing away for ...

There is this feeling that hits at the end of a show. You thank the audience and they leave in applause. Then it's quiet for a bit. You realise that you should have done it a couple more times. You realise that not everyone involved in the production will work together again. You feel like your work is too good to have only been seen that many times. Like there were flaws that could have been corrected so that the show would become better. You dream of Broadway. You dream of being good enough. You dream you could make money doing a hundred shows. And then a hundred more. You want to have a few more hours with the people you've come to like a whole lot. This struck me 2 weeks after my show. The longest it has. And it keeps me up for a few moments. I didn't want it to end. I don't want any  of it to end. but it has, and they will, forever and ever and ever. And things are never enough, and life is never enough, and I will try and fail to find the...

I think I feel better already lor. Still need to remind myself to feel better meh? --- Yes. Ya. I don't know la. Just help people lor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LfhHOFUT3s&feature=youtu.be With the help of so many wonderful, talented, dedicated young people, we made this little work of art. Kelly's words come to life. So simple, yet I don't know la. It made me feel really happy. And I hoped that it made others feel happy too. --- I know la, Nat. I know one. Just help people lor. No one cares if you have a fever's worth of degrees, or if you are just a straight line's worth. No one la. Or at least it shouldn't. You don't think a professor is any more of a human being than my aunty who works at NTUC now. In fact she is one of the people you look up to the most. She took care of you for a few weeks when you were small. Bought you nasi lemak that you never finished. Introduced you to Diet Coke. Watched Hamtaro and 5 o'...

'You make me ha- -ppy' http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/she-put-herself-through-school-after-dad-walked-out-on-family-and-graduated-with-flying "Determination never fails you"  "Once I didn't have to work and worry about money so much, I started to volunteer as a tutor to children from poor families under the Chinese Development Assistance Council. I wanted to give back. After all, all the bursaries had helped me."  --- I'm sorry for not helping you -- You are my sunshine My only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear how much i love you! please don't take my sunshine a- way. --- "Well, sing! And dance!" --- Well, sing. And dance! Look for these things, because these are the people you want to be with! And my world becomes smaller and smaller as I discover these monumental beauties I see in those that just try to make - better. Please don'...

Remember me, Nat. Remember me, though I have travelled far Know that I'm with you the only way I can be Remember me. Remember this B, and that B-, and the other C+, and then the joy that every A gave you. Then remember how small everything felt immediately after it felt like it was all too big. Remember your dreams that were dashed time and time and time again, and remember how each sleep brought you to the same dream told a thousand different times. Remember why you are here and remember that you still have no definitive answer hidden at the end of the assessment book. But remember that you once circled growth in JC and now Faith says you are a better writer than who you were. Remember that it's the in the little things that you find life's most important things. Remember not wanting to study for exams but deciding to go watch Coco and meet new friends. --- 2am and I just want you to remember this particular one. Remember that all it takes is a littl...

Thank you for your lecture today Dr Yeoh, I could see the effort you put into this week (and all the other weeks actually). I think the word that will stay with me after today's lecture is  Linger . To get the nostalgia out of the way: A famous camp song that I got to sing in my  distant  past is a tidy little song called, well, Linger. It goes like this: Hmmm, I want to linger. Hmmm, A little longer. Hmmm, A little longer, Here with you. Hmmm, It's such a perfect night. Hmmm, It doesn't seem quite right. Hmmm, That this should be, My last with you. Hmmm, And come September, Hmmm, I will remember, Hmmm, Our Scouting days, Of friendships true. Hmmm, And as the years go by, Hmmm, I'll think of you and sigh. Hmmm, This is good night And not good bye. Hmmm I want to linger. Hmmm A little longer. Hmmm A little longer, Here with you. Nostalgia, am I right? On a humid summer night, I was coerced to sing that cliche around a campfire, with all the sw...

A dog dies and it doesn't know when. Even if it did, it would have been wagging his tail nonetheless. "I don't have a story to tell." My life isn't sad enough to make something beautiful, because when I finally found my peace and joy, there was nothing left in me to create something special. I'm not special. I'm not special because I, I'm too happy? What now, then? When your back is turned away from the silent void, when you need not hear your echoes for another ear is there to receive it. No longer thrown away into the thrash. I go out now: my bicycle is tied to my art I guess. The more I descend down that tiny hill, wind in my hair, sweat escaping my pores, completely quotidian - free from that backpack that I threw on the parade floor. I'm done with the rat race. I'm done, I told my mum. -- Yesterday, Tango took me by surprised. Two and a half hours, family drama, gays, lesbians, aunties, Hong Lim, and penguins. The bo...

https://medium.com/@patlaw/dont-be-me-de0fb8dc25dd#.xny9xp5hm --- Love is a call at 1130pm from the gentle incline underneath Serangoon and a voice that replies "Ok" with barely a moment's hesitation. You put down the phone immediately, but I hear your footsteps fly down the steps anyway. When I drag my heavy bones past the gantry, up the escalator, and see the white of your car by the pavement, my heart rests. I don't need to remind myself to smile. Love is You holding my hand in the morning My eyes barely open, legs tucked beneath the sheets lights seeping through the blinds - Through my small slits I see you praying for me "God.... bless... today...." You speak too quietly, or I am still in the midst of waking up from this dream. these eyes of mine still not aware of your love. This life of mine still taking you for granted. Love is You seating across from me and you are crying because I don't wanna love your god anymo...

Quickly now. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since you first sat across me. I try so hard for it to stop. I dismissed it first. Then slowly, it gnawed. I allowed it. I allowed my fantasies to run loose - so that my nights could find rest. It was a mistake. It was a lot of mistakes. My eyes closed and I could think of nothing else. It made it so much easier. You made mornings so much easier. So easy to be honest, so easy to be candid, and kind, and funny. But not suitable. No, surely not. Surely not someone for me. Surely. Definitely. Doubts begets doubt begets doubt. Thankful for the chance to feel like this. Like promise, a promise of a new day, a new week, a new routine. An endless well of fun-times and honesty. What more do you want? I want a museum partner. A theatre person? A park goer? A life maker? A frisson seeker? A thrill magnet? A sky diver? Someone to hold when the nights get dark and quiet. Someone to mirror me. Mir...

Subway - "what" "uh" "ugh" "can i" "this is so hard" "wah" "cannot la" "aiyah" "fuck it" "i like you" --- when? since the day i first laid eyes on you you tell your mother you cannot eat dinner at home today then you ask me to go out for dinner in my mind i disregard all other friends all other dinner plans (there were none in the end) immediately and i decide to finally do it in a tiny, half-closed-off subway space a schoolboy asks us where the toilet is i change my accent as i always do and direct him you say something about him i want him gone my plan does not include him i am nervous and afraid all the while moving closer and further at the same time treading water, a tango with myself. then slowly, a tango with you. I invite you in, you do not take the bait. you play coy and throw me nothing i keep going since i already began "s...

Denial Anger Bargaining D Acceptance --- I line you up I learned you, memorised you at a darker time of my life. That little grey of 2015, trying to find myself. To find solid ground after treading water. DABDA. Oh how relevant the first half of you have become. Horrid. 'Don't do that.' 'Stop.' 'It looks stupid as fuck.' I remember Denial first of course, the simplest to know, to note. Rolls off the tongue, reminds me of my father. I have a blast saying it. Then I remember acceptance. Always acceptance. Ingrained in my mind, I know how it needs to end. It must end with this. Must. Thousands of years and my ancestors have always ended on this - if not by will then by nature. When they fell, the grass accepted their offering - a return back to earth: ash to ash. Black to black. The acceptance of black, of blank, of the big, bad, black, beyond. Of crying out into open voids and awaiting something other than my own echo...