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Hi there

I'm back again. 

I'm glad Google has the save password function - forget the security concerns for a bit. It's been a... while. 


I think I was a little lost for a bit there. 

So I didn't register for Masters. Guess only the kiamsiap part of me cares (it cares deeply). I'm not ready. It's ok :) 


I've been a little lost. 

You know, had Julia, and of course the folks. So not all that bad. But I think at some point in Fifa 20 and Thesis: THE fifathesis year. I think I was presented with a future. An adult future of btos, babies, and the weird normality of adult life. Just another life presented ahead of me, and I was writing about Alfian Sa'at and his provocavitivititiactivitivities. 

I dunno man. I guess I wanted to write? The TV dream right? Right? It would soon come, right? 

Or maybe plays? Right? You're not that good, but still, you could? You could help others? Yeah. I always loved giving constructive feedback more than I liked writing plays. Maybe something to do with hoping others would dream and achieve their dreams so that one day the future version of me would... you know, it would happen to me to. Future me. You. lor. 


I'm older now. I should have reflected when they did Jesus Loves Me at Playwright's Commune. It was so great. Helping past Nat see another version of mama. A different one, more mature, more fictional. Less tethered to my currently unvaccinated grandmother who I am sort of upset at. 

It was a great night that I appreciated so much. But still so much shame though - why? Was it the ubiquitous imposter syndrome? that I would not and should not deserve my friends' kindness? Were they my friends? Surely they were right? 

So silly. 

how to just do sia? I keep saying it in classes I teach (two more to go!). A semester of teaching and I don't think I can say I can get an A in my own module. hah. 


Anyway, I have about 100 more segment 2 submission to plough through. I find... words do not come as easily as they had before. And that is fine. From Jesus Loves Me, to improv, to whatever I did on set... I'm older now. I think i can say that I've finally matured? for me, it is an edge? 

an edge to my personality. not a complete metamorphosis, but perhaps... more of a protrusion. right out of my shoulder, there's that stick. poking out. ugly. incomplete. tlou-zombie like. 

i can write better now. i know more about life. i know more nuances. i know more real things. how to hold a camera, light a stage, play to camera, script for camera, teach a class. 

well, at least i think i do. starting to climb. 

it's been nice, 

did i call you friend? 

yes, i think i did. 

it's been nice, friend. 


see you later, but not too late 😜


Comments

  1. highquailitybirds 2 November 2021 at 16:08

    i got the class to write cards to someone they appreciated and two of my students wrote to me :')

    ReplyDelete

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