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99

 Rain heavy, worried about leaks. 

I close the Tetris tab i use to procrastinate things like work or sleep. 

1:19am: the most productive time of the day. 

Worried about life. Thinking of signing up for programs, masters, diplomas. 

Thinking about death and life. Of me at 80, 90, 99 - looking back here, now. 


Used to be a believer in a God - well -

rather, 

a life that would never end. 

finality in clouds, over and over, beyond until the never more

fullstop in the middle of a sentence. 


a day ago i burn after my booster shot (covid 19, is it still here?) 

and i go downstairs to grab panadol only to lose hearing and stability (vertigo?) on my way up.

i thought i might die, well, at the very least faint 

so close to the nerve of mortality,

the body instructs you of your doom. 


and i want to be a writer 

i guess i am huh. 

start a group, community, a something 

"just put a voice, never mind, just a... word."

just put a word to it: 

well. 

there's a word. 

WELL. 


you want to start an alumni group because you are alone or at least you think you are

and you think it might be better to not be, at least in this craft-making ceremonious dream game 


https://sdea.wildapricot.org/event-4597125 

$1250 or $1187.50 or 

it doesn't matter, your bank account can take the blow 

afford it, 

as they say / as it were / as i am

now. 


why afraid? why frightened of change? 

time? what more time do you need? 

what more time do you want? 

what is it that you want? 


[long candy strips unfurled by a child's cotton candy stick]

is this what writer's do? 

do they just write whatever they come to after 5 minutes of introspection, 1.31am and the rain? 


hi there again, 

if it pleases you:

i remember you


(Brooklyn 99 ended, so i guess that's why. great show, it ended on a heist. tried to do a lot despite its format. really appreciated the writing. characters are great. samberg's wife was in it pretty randomly. felt like they could have slowed it down more. but i guess that wouldnt be up to 'code'. connected with it more than rick and morty, though the latter is still the most creative show i have seen so far. both great. i like them both. b99 is the scholar who decides to stay in singapore to study and rickandmorty is the one that goes to new york. )

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