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Quickly now.

I'm in love with you.
I've been in love with you since you first sat across me.

I try so hard for it to stop. I dismissed it first.
Then slowly, it gnawed.
I allowed it. I allowed my fantasies to run loose - so that my nights could find rest.

It was a mistake. It was a lot of mistakes.
My eyes closed and I could think of nothing else.
It made it so much easier.

You made mornings so much easier.
So easy to be honest, so easy to be candid, and kind, and funny.

But not suitable.
No, surely not.

Surely not someone for me.
Surely.

Definitely.

Doubts begets doubt begets doubt.
Thankful for the chance to feel like this.
Like promise, a promise of a new day, a new week, a new routine.
An endless well of fun-times and honesty.

What more do you want?

I want a museum partner. A theatre person? A park goer? A life maker? A frisson seeker? A thrill magnet? A sky diver?
Someone to hold when the nights get dark and quiet. Someone to mirror me.
Mirror me when I wake.

For our hands to touch - any hands - to nab me from the desolation of white noise, a swivelling fan, and a hot day.

You smile and I think you could never be more beautiful. Your makeup ruins everything because the more gorgeous you are, the further away you seem.

You with your friends, you don't need me. Do you?

Do you?

Do I need you?

Who are you.



I indulge my doubt. I am a fatalist and there is such a thing as true love. How do I know? How would I know? How could I...

Who are you?

You are caring and kind. You know how to be humble. You know music. You know art. You know life and what its meant for. You know Trump's next tweet. You know which colour is best. You know the best place to get sushi. You know every nook and cranny of my heart. You know my desires before I do. You know me.

You know me.
I know me, so you must too.

I know me, right?
I must. You must. I must.

I am confuse but I'm sure:
You are a smile that I'll get over.

I'm sure?

You smile and laugh and I can't.
My heart melts and my brain is lost.
I try my hardest to keep my face.
In this heat I try to think that you are like any other.

I smile and treat you the same,
as any other.
You sit across me and you destroy every part of me,
but I smile the same, praying that you view it as nothing significant.

I unravel, am unravelling now. Every word I read, every thought I think, every time I pick up the phone, my mind races to you.

You are not the first, and you will not be the last



sometimes i wish you would be

but how could you feel the same?
how could you be as insane as this?





























no change then.
I act, so let me work on my craft.

Your nose wriggles as you giggle -

I roll my eyes and grin,
as my heart is ruined.

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