Feel better, friend.

Thank you for your lecture today Dr Yeoh, I could see the effort you put into this week (and all the other weeks actually). I think the word that will stay with me after today's lecture is  Linger . To get the nostalgia out of the way: A famous camp song that I got to sing in my  distant  past is a tidy little song called, well, Linger. It goes like this: Hmmm, I want to linger. Hmmm, A little longer. Hmmm, A little longer, Here with you. Hmmm, It's such a perfect night. Hmmm, It doesn't seem quite right. Hmmm, That this should be, My last with you. Hmmm, And come September, Hmmm, I will remember, Hmmm, Our Scouting days, Of friendships true. Hmmm, And as the years go by, Hmmm, I'll think of you and sigh. Hmmm, This is good night And not good bye. Hmmm I want to linger. Hmmm A little longer. Hmmm A little longer, Here with you. Nostalgia, am I right? On a humid summer night, I was coerced to sing that cliche around a campfire, with all the sw...

A dog dies and it doesn't know when. Even if it did, it would have been wagging his tail nonetheless. "I don't have a story to tell." My life isn't sad enough to make something beautiful, because when I finally found my peace and joy, there was nothing left in me to create something special. I'm not special. I'm not special because I, I'm too happy? What now, then? When your back is turned away from the silent void, when you need not hear your echoes for another ear is there to receive it. No longer thrown away into the thrash. I go out now: my bicycle is tied to my art I guess. The more I descend down that tiny hill, wind in my hair, sweat escaping my pores, completely quotidian - free from that backpack that I threw on the parade floor. I'm done with the rat race. I'm done, I told my mum. -- Yesterday, Tango took me by surprised. Two and a half hours, family drama, gays, lesbians, aunties, Hong Lim, and penguins. The bo...

https://medium.com/@patlaw/dont-be-me-de0fb8dc25dd#.xny9xp5hm --- Love is a call at 1130pm from the gentle incline underneath Serangoon and a voice that replies "Ok" with barely a moment's hesitation. You put down the phone immediately, but I hear your footsteps fly down the steps anyway. When I drag my heavy bones past the gantry, up the escalator, and see the white of your car by the pavement, my heart rests. I don't need to remind myself to smile. Love is You holding my hand in the morning My eyes barely open, legs tucked beneath the sheets lights seeping through the blinds - Through my small slits I see you praying for me "God.... bless... today...." You speak too quietly, or I am still in the midst of waking up from this dream. these eyes of mine still not aware of your love. This life of mine still taking you for granted. Love is You seating across from me and you are crying because I don't wanna love your god anymo...

Quickly now. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since you first sat across me. I try so hard for it to stop. I dismissed it first. Then slowly, it gnawed. I allowed it. I allowed my fantasies to run loose - so that my nights could find rest. It was a mistake. It was a lot of mistakes. My eyes closed and I could think of nothing else. It made it so much easier. You made mornings so much easier. So easy to be honest, so easy to be candid, and kind, and funny. But not suitable. No, surely not. Surely not someone for me. Surely. Definitely. Doubts begets doubt begets doubt. Thankful for the chance to feel like this. Like promise, a promise of a new day, a new week, a new routine. An endless well of fun-times and honesty. What more do you want? I want a museum partner. A theatre person? A park goer? A life maker? A frisson seeker? A thrill magnet? A sky diver? Someone to hold when the nights get dark and quiet. Someone to mirror me. Mir...

Subway - "what" "uh" "ugh" "can i" "this is so hard" "wah" "cannot la" "aiyah" "fuck it" "i like you" --- when? since the day i first laid eyes on you you tell your mother you cannot eat dinner at home today then you ask me to go out for dinner in my mind i disregard all other friends all other dinner plans (there were none in the end) immediately and i decide to finally do it in a tiny, half-closed-off subway space a schoolboy asks us where the toilet is i change my accent as i always do and direct him you say something about him i want him gone my plan does not include him i am nervous and afraid all the while moving closer and further at the same time treading water, a tango with myself. then slowly, a tango with you. I invite you in, you do not take the bait. you play coy and throw me nothing i keep going since i already began "s...

Denial Anger Bargaining D Acceptance --- I line you up I learned you, memorised you at a darker time of my life. That little grey of 2015, trying to find myself. To find solid ground after treading water. DABDA. Oh how relevant the first half of you have become. Horrid. 'Don't do that.' 'Stop.' 'It looks stupid as fuck.' I remember Denial first of course, the simplest to know, to note. Rolls off the tongue, reminds me of my father. I have a blast saying it. Then I remember acceptance. Always acceptance. Ingrained in my mind, I know how it needs to end. It must end with this. Must. Thousands of years and my ancestors have always ended on this - if not by will then by nature. When they fell, the grass accepted their offering - a return back to earth: ash to ash. Black to black. The acceptance of black, of blank, of the big, bad, black, beyond. Of crying out into open voids and awaiting something other than my own echo...

"We are richer than we think, each one of us." ---  It's easier, you say,  it's easy to love and be loved -  just look to the empty sky,  that is how much God loves you.  Ah, the sky, the open blue sky.  Beyond, they've found new life.  Planets in about an infinity yonder -  How I wish we found life there,  that would shut you up wouldn't it.  Would it?  I had assume it would, but now I'm not entirely sure.  Some apologist in torn jeans and a t-shirt would probably say,  say into his wireless microphone attached to his face,  say, "Oh the wonder of our God"  " How great and awesome our God truly is for creating this marvellous universe."  "That our God would be so magnificent as to create entire other planets for us to share our love with, and his message of kindness and goodness."  Inter-planetary prophets, all the while forgetting about th...