Feel better, friend.

 Rain heavy, worried about leaks.  I close the Tetris tab i use to procrastinate things like work or sleep.  1:19am: the most productive time of the day.  Worried about life. Thinking of signing up for programs, masters, diplomas.  Thinking about death and life. Of me at 80, 90, 99 - looking back here, now.  Used to be a believer in a God - well - rather,  a life that would never end.  finality in clouds, over and over, beyond until the never more fullstop in the middle of a sentence.  a day ago i burn after my booster shot (covid 19, is it still here?)  and i go downstairs to grab panadol only to lose hearing and stability (vertigo?) on my way up. i thought i might die, well, at the very least faint  so close to the nerve of mortality, the body instructs you of your doom.  and i want to be a writer  i guess i am huh.  start a group, community, a something  "just put a voice, never mind, just a... word." just put...

 learn to fly annies song someone to watch over me ella fitz strange fruit (nina!) only (lee hi??) crash my car (coin) might not make it home (yeh!)  i dont love you (mcr :P) a change is gonna come (sam)  all i could do was cry (etta) congratulations (english, day6, fox guy)  something tells me (bailen (?)) electric love (!borns!)  one day more (big mama(S)) 30 + goodbye (bo) white wine in the sun (t.minch) under the sea  many things (innocents?) paradise (bazzi)  chinese song? (yisa yu? qing ren something) official (charli)  like a river runs (sia <3)  im a fantastic wreck (montaigneee) start already (lioncityboi) only exception  may i have this dance (francis philcollins) youll be in my heart (phil philcollins) blank space / stand by me (imagine dragons) rainbow connection whisper in her ear (milk carton) dancing on my own (robynnnn) slow grenade (ellie) room at the table (charlie <3) school of rock  good morning baltimore s...

I'm back again.  I'm glad Google has the save password function - forget the security concerns for a bit. It's been a... while.  I think I was a little lost for a bit there.  So I didn't register for Masters. Guess only the kiamsiap part of me cares (it cares deeply). I'm not ready. It's ok :)  I've been a little lost.  You know, had Julia, and of course the folks. So not all that bad. But I think at some point in Fifa 20 and Thesis: THE fifathesis year. I think I was presented with a future. An adult future of btos, babies, and the weird normality of adult life. Just another life presented ahead of me, and I was writing about Alfian Sa'at and his provocavitivititiactivitivities.  I dunno man. I guess I wanted to write? The TV dream right? Right? It would soon come, right?  Or maybe plays? Right? You're not that good, but still, you could? You could help others? Yeah. I always loved giving constructive feedback more than I liked writing plays. Maybe ...