Feel better, friend.

 Rain heavy, worried about leaks.  I close the Tetris tab i use to procrastinate things like work or sleep.  1:19am: the most productive time of the day.  Worried about life. Thinking of signing up for programs, masters, diplomas.  Thinking about death and life. Of me at 80, 90, 99 - looking back here, now.  Used to be a believer in a God - well - rather,  a life that would never end.  finality in clouds, over and over, beyond until the never more fullstop in the middle of a sentence.  a day ago i burn after my booster shot (covid 19, is it still here?)  and i go downstairs to grab panadol only to lose hearing and stability (vertigo?) on my way up. i thought i might die, well, at the very least faint  so close to the nerve of mortality, the body instructs you of your doom.  and i want to be a writer  i guess i am huh.  start a group, community, a something  "just put a voice, never mind, just a... word." just put a word to it:  well.  there's a word.  WELL.  you want to s

 learn to fly annies song someone to watch over me ella fitz strange fruit (nina!) only (lee hi??) crash my car (coin) might not make it home (yeh!)  i dont love you (mcr :P) a change is gonna come (sam)  all i could do was cry (etta) congratulations (english, day6, fox guy)  something tells me (bailen (?)) electric love (!borns!)  one day more (big mama(S)) 30 + goodbye (bo) white wine in the sun (t.minch) under the sea  many things (innocents?) paradise (bazzi)  chinese song? (yisa yu? qing ren something) official (charli)  like a river runs (sia <3)  im a fantastic wreck (montaigneee) start already (lioncityboi) only exception  may i have this dance (francis philcollins) youll be in my heart (phil philcollins) blank space / stand by me (imagine dragons) rainbow connection whisper in her ear (milk carton) dancing on my own (robynnnn) slow grenade (ellie) room at the table (charlie <3) school of rock  good morning baltimore selah / paris / sticky leaves (linying) 

I'm back again.  I'm glad Google has the save password function - forget the security concerns for a bit. It's been a... while.  I think I was a little lost for a bit there.  So I didn't register for Masters. Guess only the kiamsiap part of me cares (it cares deeply). I'm not ready. It's ok :)  I've been a little lost.  You know, had Julia, and of course the folks. So not all that bad. But I think at some point in Fifa 20 and Thesis: THE fifathesis year. I think I was presented with a future. An adult future of btos, babies, and the weird normality of adult life. Just another life presented ahead of me, and I was writing about Alfian Sa'at and his provocavitivititiactivitivities.  I dunno man. I guess I wanted to write? The TV dream right? Right? It would soon come, right?  Or maybe plays? Right? You're not that good, but still, you could? You could help others? Yeah. I always loved giving constructive feedback more than I liked writing plays. Maybe